Bookmark: Let Go! Just in time 4 my 40's

When your life falls apart, there is always the impulse to hold on: To him, to her, to it; to the way it was, to how you wanted it to be, to how you want it now! But in order to get through a crisis, you will have to let go of whatever is standing in your way... P. 69 from 10 Things To Do When Your Life Falls Apart

Finally, at 40-ish, I am willing to let go! I am ready to let go of all the cycles & patterns of self-sabotaging behavior that no longer serves me! I am now ready to let go of folks & situations that drain me, & finally, I am ready to let go of my own ongoing need to strive & struggle against the natural flow of life. I am ready to flow!

How do we let go? Anyway you can! Get help-- solicit friends & family (the ones you want to keep, do whatever you have to to begin something new; to start afresh! Take a deep breath & with each exhale... Let go! Per author, Daphne Rose Kingma of 10 Things, "We're on our way to somewhere else. Why be bogged down with fourteen irrelevant people, two tons of junk, & a brain full of worry? When, really, you're just practicing to be part of an intergalactic light stream of love. Don't hang on. It's hard to fly with bags of concrete tied to your feet. Let go! Let go! Let go!"

Bookmark: Do Something Different! by Xina Sy

“Right now you are one choice away from a new beginning - one that leads you toward becoming the fullest human being you can be.”

Oprah Winfrey

Why do we stay? Why do we keep doing the same things over & over when we know it does not, will not work out the way we want? Why do we keep moving in the same circles; repeating the same cycles, expecting different results?

I hung up & cringed; embarrassed at my Self. Then I cried. I cried because I didn't want it to be over. Then I cried because it was...over. I had loved this man for a very long time & I believe, in his own way, he loved me too-- as best he could. But it was not enough & I knew that. I held onto this on again-off again thing; keeping myself caught on an emotional roller coaster that helped me avoid the real issue: my own fear of intimacy. Now, I had had enough & it was over! It needed to be. It was time for me to...move on & make a real choice to love & be loved.

In her book, The Ten Things To Do When Your Life Falls Apart, Daphne Rose Kingma writes, "Different circumstances call on us to be different. To grow or die. To expand or contract. To fly or get lost in the rubble. As our world changes, we must change.When are circumstances are altered, we must alter our responses to them."  I would add, that we must make a choice to allow ourselves to evolve into a higher state of being. Evolving is, after all, a natural thing. But, when our hearts are involved, making a change, letting go, it all seems like the hardest thing to do--even when we know it is for our own good. When we are so attached to the outcome of what we want, as opposed to what we need, the thought of starting again can be terrifying.

Most of us believe that starting again has to be hard. But, what if we began to see it as an opportunity to do something different? What if we began to recognize new beginnings as a chance to try out our new skills; test ourselves on what we've learned from the past & begin new habits that nurture us into becoming our best Selves? What would be so hard about that? It might be letting go of the familiar. It might be hard to create a new pattern; one that's healthy & functional & good for us. It might just be that we enjoy the drama in our lives & we just don't want to let it go!
~~I wiped away the tears & took a deep breath & in that moment I made a new choice to simply...do something different.

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Bookmark: Do You Self Sabotage? from 10 Things To Do When Your Life Falls Apart

Whatever the nature of the crisis you're in, it isn't just inviting you to change; it is insisting that you do. It's telling you to wake up: wake up to what's really going on here. wake up to your real self-- the good, the bad, & the default-- so that you can start creating responses that are alive & worthy of this one & only scary, gorgeous, unrepeatable life you have been given.

~~  page 42 of 10 Things

My whole life has been one continuous cycle that I have been trying for the longest to figure out. It has consistently followed a pattern of gains & losses; ups & downs, & extreme highs & lows. Time & time again things in my life have been going well only to, very quickly, fall apart again. For many years I viewed this pattern from a victim perspective that kept me believing that something, anything other than myself, was at fault. Regardless of what I was going through; IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! At times it was the fault of "the system," it was "them," it was "him," or it was "her." At other times when things went wrong it was the job, the weather, the bank, the school, the community, or the government. Whatever was most convenient carried the weight of my problems upon its blameful shoulders as I was an innocent bystander; victim to the things of this world. 

Now, I realize that taking responsibility would have meant showing up, growing up, & owning up to what was really going on. In her book, 10 Things, Daphne Rose Kingma writes, 'Facing your defaults (the things we resort to to avoid & evade reality) is the only way you'll be able to see how you are cooperating with-- & at least in part creating-- the very circumstances that are driving you mad.' My own self-sabotage has kept me stuck in the same cycles; gaining & losing & blaming others. This cycle has taught me that insanity truly is doing the same things over & over while expecting different results.

So what to do?  Kingma suggests starting with a few simple questions & answering as honestly as you can to begin from there to change the patterns. Take a few moments & ask your Self:

• What is your most most prominent default behavior? That is, what are the behaviors or attitudes you most often use to deal with, escape from, or avoid the painful realities in life?
• When did you develop these default behaviors?
• How have your defaults contributed to the crisis in your life?
• What would be one step you could take to start dismantling your default behavior?
• What would be one small step you could take in the direction of a new behavior?

Creating new patterns in our lives may not be easy, but taking the steps toward a healthier lifestyle is definitely worth the effort.

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