Bookmark: Do You Self Sabotage? from 10 Things To Do When Your Life Falls Apart

Whatever the nature of the crisis you're in, it isn't just inviting you to change; it is insisting that you do. It's telling you to wake up: wake up to what's really going on here. wake up to your real self-- the good, the bad, & the default-- so that you can start creating responses that are alive & worthy of this one & only scary, gorgeous, unrepeatable life you have been given.

~~  page 42 of 10 Things

My whole life has been one continuous cycle that I have been trying for the longest to figure out. It has consistently followed a pattern of gains & losses; ups & downs, & extreme highs & lows. Time & time again things in my life have been going well only to, very quickly, fall apart again. For many years I viewed this pattern from a victim perspective that kept me believing that something, anything other than myself, was at fault. Regardless of what I was going through; IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! At times it was the fault of "the system," it was "them," it was "him," or it was "her." At other times when things went wrong it was the job, the weather, the bank, the school, the community, or the government. Whatever was most convenient carried the weight of my problems upon its blameful shoulders as I was an innocent bystander; victim to the things of this world. 

Now, I realize that taking responsibility would have meant showing up, growing up, & owning up to what was really going on. In her book, 10 Things, Daphne Rose Kingma writes, 'Facing your defaults (the things we resort to to avoid & evade reality) is the only way you'll be able to see how you are cooperating with-- & at least in part creating-- the very circumstances that are driving you mad.' My own self-sabotage has kept me stuck in the same cycles; gaining & losing & blaming others. This cycle has taught me that insanity truly is doing the same things over & over while expecting different results.

So what to do?  Kingma suggests starting with a few simple questions & answering as honestly as you can to begin from there to change the patterns. Take a few moments & ask your Self:

• What is your most most prominent default behavior? That is, what are the behaviors or attitudes you most often use to deal with, escape from, or avoid the painful realities in life?
• When did you develop these default behaviors?
• How have your defaults contributed to the crisis in your life?
• What would be one step you could take to start dismantling your default behavior?
• What would be one small step you could take in the direction of a new behavior?

Creating new patterns in our lives may not be easy, but taking the steps toward a healthier lifestyle is definitely worth the effort.

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