12 Tips 4 Triumph in 2011 from 10 Things & SIU

Photo: Racing Stars by Andrew Stewarz

Life can be so funny! Sometimes, flowing like a calm, serene stream, in the direction of our most pleasing dream. Then, other times, seemingly out of nowhere-- storms arise and wreak havoc on the very core of our most solid foundations. Circumstances can change like the wind & leave us gasping for air & fighting to survive. For many, 2010 has been a tumultuous time; filled with highs & lows that made life a crazy roller-coaster of a ride that we could not escape from quickly enough. But, in all of the chaos, there have been life lessons that may yet serve to transition life into something very rewarding...for all things work together for our good! 

The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart, by Daphne Rose Kingma, & our virtual book club pick going into 2011, offers a list of tips (10 Things) for triumph during the most challenging & trying times of our lives. We added a couple of tips at the end of the list & hope that this list helps you to persevere in the coming New Year! 

From 10 Things/

1. Cry Your Eyes Out: When things come undone, simply take time to feel & release!
2. Face Your Defaults: Everyone has coping mechanisms; good, bad, & indifferent. Identify yours & allow them to work for you-- not against you!
3. Do Something different!
4. Let Go!
5. Remember Who You Have Always Been: & Be that!
6. Persist! 
7. Integrate Your Loss: find ways to evolve & change versus staying stuck in "what was."
8. Live Simply.
9. Go Where the Love Is: migrate towards a supportive, loving environment & fill your life with people & circumstances that promote your new growth.
10. Live in the Light of the Spirit...
11. Click & Buy the Book!
12. Join Our Virtual Book Discussion Online!

Happy New Year!

Bookmark: Cry Your Heart Out! from 10 Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart

At times I've been surprised by the magnitude of my own tears, by the amount of sheer wailing and letting go that certain circumstances called for. I've been shocked, almost worried that such a big cry might have been some sort of hysterical emotional excess, some kind of performance. But the quiet integration, the fragile and yet sublime peace that followed each vintage cry was the measure of the healing power of those tears.

~~~ From page 6 of Ten Things To Do When Your Life Falls Apart

When I was little, I was often scolded for being too emotional. I was told, whatever the situation, that 'it's not that bad,' or 'get over it!,' & even, 'be quiet before I give you something to cry about!'--all as if my own "little" tragedy simply did not require the reaction that I was giving it. As an adult I have been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve; that I am too vulnerable, &/or overly dramatic; any of which might be true, but all of which are someone else's opinions---filtered through their own inability or unwillingness to show real emotion themselves.

Recently, our family went through a very trying time that rocked the very foundation of everything we thought could possibly go wrong. The possibility of losing a child hit in a deeply unexplainable way that brought me to my knees; weeping & wailing for resolution & healing. While going through the situation I felt the need to be "strong," & to "make sure everyone else was OK." It wasn't until weeks later, in a grocery store isle that I was able to truly feel what had happened & the tears began to fall & fell for several days. And with every tear I felt a little bit better. After it was over, I knew that a deep healing & release had happened within myself & I no longer felt concerned over being "too emotional."

Everyone heals differently! My way may not be yours & yours mine, but each way has to be honored & respected. Often times in our own uncomfortable way, we push others to 'get over it' before they are ready because we love them & we don't want them to be sad; to hurt, to feel lonely, to be depressed, or to lay in bed all day. Sometimes we move too quickly past what our loved ones need without taking into account their need for healing. There are times when I semi-sort-of  listen when someone  is venting or pouring out their heart to me because I am too busy coming up with my own way to fix "it." We push for a resolve before we allow for a healing...

In her book, 10 Things, author Daphne Rose Kingma asks in the chapter entitled, Cry Your Heart Out, "What if we could create a ministry of tears? What if we consecrated  some time in each our days to weep, first for ourselves, but then for each of the ones whose lives have been broken... what healing would happen? What peace would reign? How much would our differences dissolve? And what would we learn about the true nature of Love? 

 I wonder too...what if?~~ xi

Click here & Purchase the book 10 Things & Join the Virtual Discussion!

Part II Interview w/ Author Daphne Kingma on 10 Things

Working with Daphne Kingma has been both a gift & a privilege! I have been truly inspired by her book, The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart (10 Things), & have been motivated to feature her book over the next 10 weeks! Here's Part II of our interview:


SIU: Who inspires YOU? Which writers have most inspired your work?
Kingma: What a lovely question! Thank you!  The poets James Wright, ee cummings, Dylan Thomas and Pablo Neruda, the philosophers Andre Gide, Andre Malraux, and John Stuart Mill, the novelists William Styron, Marguerite Duras and Earnest Hemingway. I was deeply influenced by my father's very well written letters, and I was strongly  visually influenced by the beauty of my parents' garden and the many works of art to which, starting from when I was a child, I was frequently exposed.

SIU: What lies on the horizon for you as a writer? What projects are you working on NEXT?
Kingma: Another fabulous question! Well, as you might imagine from my previous answer, I, too, am a poet and writer of fiction; and I am moving in the direction of completing many literary works-in- progress and performing them. In terms of my life at large, after an extremely busy year of promoting my book I'm preparing for a life with more time for my love and my personal writing,  I'm also looking forward to presenting the teachings from THE TEN and the relationship books I've written--as well as the emotional healing work I've always done--to much larger audiences. Basically, I'm looking forward to a more balanced combination of what we usually call a "professional" life and the pursuit of my own creative and heart-endeavors.

SIU: Finally, what do you do when life falls apart personally & what advice do you offer for when times get truly tough?
Kingma: I have a practice which I call: The Smallest Change That Can Make the Biggest Difference, and this is what I recommend to people going through agonizing times. When my house burned down I made it a practice to drive downtown and buy a glass of fresh vegetable juice every day and then sit in a quiet place and drink it before returning to the ongoing fray of the re-construction. This little practice sometimes took only twenty minutes, but it gave me a sense of well-being, joy and perspective. At other times my change has been taking a walk, meditating or writing quietly for a few minutes at the beginning of every day. And so I would ask you:  what is the one little, self nourishing thing you can do every day even though it may seem that your entire world is falling apart: taking a walk up and down the hospital halls even though you're there because your best friend is dying, listening to some beautiful music in your car before you go in to work, making a list of what you're grateful for each night, or turning off the TV and reading a poem before you go to sleep, Any act performed consistently becomes a practice, and, as such, will provide a steadying rudder during chaotic times. You will be amazed at the large amount of equanimity even one of these simple practices will grant you.

Please click here & buy the book, The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart & join our virtual book discussion over the coming weeks!